Erin Braxton (00:00)

I would say the biggest reason to leave is because what the job is doing to you mentally and emotionally. When I worked at the advertising agency, they would always bring me in when they needed a blackface. I don't know how to convey how good it feels to be on the other side of a toxic workplace. If there is something that you want to do, I highly encourage you to start making steps toward that.

If you have fear, just do one little thing at a time. Don't let what other people are doing stop you. Boundary up when it's time to make these changes in your life. Figure out what you want to do, get your eye on it, and make the move.

Hey everyone, welcome to the Coffee No Cream podcast. My name is Erin Braxton and I am the host of Coffee No Cream. Here on Coffee No Cream, we share what I like to call Coffee No Cream moments, those things that happen to us black women in business and in life just because we are black. So this episode today is episode 19 and I'm super excited about that because they say that most people don't make it past episode three and here we are at episode 19. So.

Thank you guys so much for the support and the love and I'm just thrilled and it just makes me so excited for all there is to come in the future. Looking back over the past four and a half months or so of the podcast, I do see similar themes, obviously. We're black women, we share that, we have that in common and we have similar experiences that need to be heard and need to be told. And that's the whole point of the podcast. One of the things I wanna talk about today though is,

when it is the right time to exit a job. Now, in previous episodes, I've shared different stories that have happened to me when I had my toxic client and, you know, my own coffee no cream moment that kind of sparked this whole podcast journey and how I was told that I was charging Lexus prices, but I actually was performing at a Toyota level quality of work by a guy who worked at the post office and had no clue about what I what I actually do, which

For those of you who are seeing me for the first time, I have a business called The Rebel Geek. I'm a web digital agency. We build web environments, we do digital business systems, that sort of thing, right? This guy had no clue what he was talking about, but you know, white man, Texas, staunch Republican, very biased, I would say, felt very comfortable saying that to me. And that was just one moment. You know, I've had so many before I worked for myself and had The Rebel Geek.

I worked in advertising. I had three jobs. I worked at an ad agency when I graduated from college, which is where I interned at when I was in college in Dallas. I then worked for Neiman Marcus corporate. And then I went to work for another ad agency. It was a huge privately held advertising agency, good old boy shop, lots of weird stuff going on over there. I mean, it was just, it was just a weird environment. Anybody who works there worked.

there knows that, knew that, right? So when I was there, and I've talked about this before on the podcast, when it was time for me to go, I didn't go. I'm gonna tell you why. My name had sort of been sabotaged in that place because of a lot of things. I was told I wasn't strategic. I was told I was behind my peers. I mean, a lot of mind fuckery going on. I got a reputation because I was the only black female at that time on a

professional career path. I'm not saying I was the only black female there. There was like 700 plus people there at the time. But I'm saying aside from receptionists, people in accounting, clerical type positions, I was the only black female for a while. And I reported to a guy, black male, we're good friends now, but we did have a tough relationship at the time. We were fighting a lot, right? But then we were cool. So that was just a weird dynamic, but I digress. The point I'm...

trying to make is there was a point in that time where I was there. I was at that agency for seven years where I needed to go and I didn't go and I didn't go for a lot of different reasons. I was being mistreated. I was being told that, you know, I wasn't at the level of my white counterparts. I wasn't being given proper raises and promotions and things like that. Okay. So let's go over a few reasons or a few signals that it is time to go.

I would say the biggest reason to leave is because what the job is doing to you mentally and emotionally. Okay. I was extremely stressed out. I was very unhappy. I was very much questioning my professional self-worth because I let these people get in my head and I told the story. I think I told it. I'm trying to remember when somebody had messed with my bonus and it was the Christmas holiday and

I remember waking up on Christmas day and thinking about how much I hated those people. And all I could do was think about how much I hated my job and they were on my mind and I was with my people. It was Christmas. I wasn't even in the same state at this time as my job. I had left for the holiday, but I was so consumed with a level of hatred for these people. And I'm going to tell you that is telling. I was thinking on Christmas.

I hate these MFs. cannot fucking stand this place. I cannot stand these people. I have got to go. All right? Which is not a healthy place to be in, right? I already knew that I was probably gonna lose my job soon because I was working on a piece of business that we had lost. And I had developed a bad reputation in this place. It was a good old boy advertising agency. And you know, to go down the list of

the things that they could come up with to say about me to my knowledge that I heard was going on is extensive. But for me to be concerned or thinking about them on my holiday was really my breaking point. So I remember saying to myself, I needed a word, I needed a sermon, I needed something. And I went to the bookstore the day after Christmas and I had found, you know, Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer and

I suffer from anxiety. I suffer from chest pains. This is how my stress shows up physically. And I was dealing with this a lot, just constant worry, constant stress, right? So when I started reading that book over that break, it like, ⁓ it was like the clouds started to open. It was like my stress was being released. And I did not want that book to end because I was able to put, you know,

scripture and apply it to my life and see, you know, this is a problem. I've got to do something. And that was about the time I decided I'm moving to Los Angeles. I'm just moving, right? So I say that all to say, you are in a mental space where you are just unhealthy and unwell, we have had this conversation numerous times. I talked about it with Abby the attorney. I talked about it with Michelle Hardeman Forbes.

almost forgot her married name. I've talked about it with several of my guests. This is not healthy for us black women, right? And a lot of times we feel so tied to these jobs because again, you know, if you're my age and you still have parents around, you know, I'm talking to my dad and he's just like, I don't understand. He's a boomer. He's like, you know, you've got benefits, you've got a job, you've got health insurance.

You need to let those people fire you. Let them fire you. And I did. I never quit because I wanted to quit so many times. He's like, let those people fire you. And that actually sort of worked out later because this was happening around, I left that job in 2007. And then in 2008, we were in this huge recession and Obama kept extending and extending unemployment. So I would get unemployment, but it wasn't like you could really live on those extensions, right?

So I was, you know, listening to my dad and all that, but I was struggling. I was really in pain inside. In episode 18, Abby the attorney shared a story about how she was being used as an attorney when it came to representing her firm against black claimant. And, you know, I always say, like, ⁓ there's not too many things that people have shared aside from

episode 17 when Stephanie told us how KKK was written on her workplace building when she was at lunch. That has never happened to me. But that whole using thing, that happened to me. And when I worked at the advertising agency, when I worked there, they, you know, didn't want to work with me. I had a reputation, whatever their reason was. I wasn't strategic. I wasn't this. I wasn't that. But they would

always bring me in when they needed a black face. They would bring me in, they wouldn't give me much to say, but they wanted me to be in the room so that they can show that they have black people working, you know? And they had clients like Red Lobster, and you know, I know this because I worked on that business a little bit at the time, was the number one casual dining establishment

frequented by African Americans or black people, right? They would come to me after a TV spot had been concepted, created, produced, all of it. They would come to me in the final stages and ask me stuff like, is this offensive? So using me, right? It happens all the time. That's another reason. Like if you feel like you're just somewhere and they're using you, this stuff is real. It happens and you know,

a lot to offer. I'm creative as hell. I'm the most loyal, hard-working person you can find, right? But when you're working for an organization that you feel doesn't value that, that doesn't see that in you, why are you there? What are you doing? You know, you might say, I don't care. It doesn't bother me as I'm just here to collect the paycheck. But it does. It does bother you.

Everyone needs a purpose. People want to feel needed, right? Why am I wasting my time over here with that? You know, and you know when it's time for a promotion or it's time to move on and everybody around you is moving up and getting more opportunity and things like that and you're not making a contribution other than there they need your black face in there to show that they have some diversity in the spot. You know that that that can take its toll as well, right? So there are many reasons why

It is time to go. That was one of my reasons. They wouldn't really give me anything important to do, but they wanted to give me, you know, a spot or a placeholder or a seat to fill when they needed a blackface in the room. And it wasn't until I left that I realized how much in pain I was. I can't say this to you enough. I don't know how to convey how good it feels to be on the other side.

of a toxic workplace. Now, I know it's really, really hard to consider leaving or to think about leaving or to take the step to actually leave a job. I know it is because for me and probably for you too, you're like, okay, I make good money. I don't have any other options. I need to be able to pay my bills. All of these things are real, okay? But if you are in the position to plan to leave,

to plan to get away from the toxic workplace, I urge you to do so. I urge you to do so, okay? So let's go through a couple of ways that you can do that, okay? First of all, you've got to get your escape fund together. Like you've got to get your bank together. This is where I did not come through. I did not do that, okay? I was throwing money, you know, trying to...

set up a situation for a company to be successful and I kept throwing money at it, right? Cause I was miserable in my job. Don't do that, okay? If you can stand it and you know that it's time for you to go and you wanna go, start putting money to the side. You know, I know there's a lot of like flashy shiny objects and I am as guilty as the next person, okay? If I'm on TikTok, I see this, I want that, I want that. I wanna travel, I wanna go, I wanna do.

but the security that you have when you have money in the bank is unmatched. I've said that, okay? So when you have no money in the bank, it will change the way you allow people to treat you. You will put up with more bullshit when you are broke than when you have money in the bank, okay? So number one, get that fun together. Save the money. This isn't a financial video. I'm just saying get your money together.

because if you decide to walk away, you need to feel secure about that decision. As somebody who did not do that, I can tell you do that, all right? Next, I wanna tell you, know, black women are obviously losing their jobs right now in this country. And I feel, and I've talked about this as well, I feel that it is time for us to take care of ourselves. And if you desire to work for somebody else, that is totally fine, that is fine.

Everybody is not meant to be an entrepreneur, but if there is something that you want to do, I highly encourage you to start making steps toward that. Now, it can be overwhelming because you're out here, you're on the internet, and you're looking at everybody, and they're doing this, and they're doing that, and that's fine, but they didn't just get there, right? Making the moves to transition careers or do your own thing, it takes time.

And sometimes you have to play the long game, right? You have to play the long game. So put together a plan so that you have your steps in order so that you know that you're gonna be doing this and this and this and this and you check off all those things so you are ready to make the jump. So you are ready to make those pivots, okay? You can't just go out here willy-nilly. You can't just turn on the camera and decide,

I'm gonna be an influencer. That's ridiculous, right? Everybody's doing that. It's not easy. It takes a lot of work. And let me tell you one other thing. And I know this as somebody who started two businesses and now this podcast. You have to be so passionate about whatever it is that you desire to do, that you want to do. So don't make rash decisions. Decide, I'm gonna just do this or I'm just gonna do that. No, you need to be passionate about that thing.

because that's what's gonna get you through, okay? That's gonna help you get to the finish line, okay? Next, before you get ready to leave, and if you're in a toxic work environment, and I've said this before, get your CYA journal together. Journal, take notes, keep records of everything that's going on because you don't wanna be out of a job before you're ready to be out of a job, right? Because that's gonna bring on more stress, more...

Toxicity, right? Definitely keep records of everything. Make sure you are crossing all your T's, you are dotting all your I's, you are completely together at your current job so that you're holding onto that income until you're ready to let it go. Okay? Next, community. Community. What is your community? Okay? I'm not just talking about personally because you need that. You need personal community, but also,

your network and your community for wherever it is you're trying to go. Okay. Abby talked about this a lot in episode 18 when she was thinking about getting out of her current law firm and going to work in immigration law. And she went to conferences and events and she was readying herself, preparing herself. I also talked about this. I can't remember the episode right now, but I talked about

the skill of learning how to do something. So work on developing those skills, skills that you do not have. While you're working, invest in the courses, invest in the certifications. You don't have to stay where you are. Who told you that? Sometimes we get stuck in our own mind, right? So go to events, network, meet people, take courses, do the prep work so that you're more marketable, not just to other organizations.

but maybe to your own clients if you want to be an entrepreneur. Take the necessary steps, but don't just sit back and hope things are gonna change. Who knows when you're gonna get a job, right? Maybe you can figure out like some sort of side hustle where you can kind of test the waters. But there are tons of free courses out here, certifications out here that you can get. The Ivy Leagues offer tons of courses for free. And I'm just gonna just slide a little.

soft promo in because I don't have it ready, but I have an amazing tool, a free amazing tool coming to you guys very, very, very soon that is going to help you with this process. Okay. It's coming. I just want to throw that out there, but back to what I'm saying. Don't, I don't want to say be a victim because sometimes we are victims. Shit happens to us. It absolutely does. But in the face of adversity, we can make amazing things happen. Right? So,

Take the course, find the certification, figure out what it is you wanna do and make the plan so you can order your steps to get there, okay? Don't just sit back and be miserable in your work environment. It is literally killing you, okay? I cannot speak that stronger. I cannot tell you how good it feels when you get out of a toxic situation. And it's happened to me too many times.

with the client that I lost last year, yeah, they paid me good money. It was good money. But do I care? Do I miss them? I do not. Yes, I would like the money back. But I realize after working with them, it's so much easier to work with the right type of client to make the same amount of money or more in a fraction of the time. And that's what I've learned. When I left the advertising agency or when I got let go finally,

and I was away from them and I was away from that. The level of peace that I felt, I cannot explain it. It's the thing that I know now, but the fear then kept me in that place, kept me stuck. And that's what I'm trying to explain. Let's just talk about fear really, really quick because, I had fear before I launched this podcast. Okay? And here I am at episode 19.

I had fear of, you know, I have imposter syndrome. I had had fear of what people are gonna say, what people were gonna think. I have less of that fear now. I'm doing the thing that I set out to do. When I started my business, I had fear of the same things. You know, I build websites, I'm self-taught. I had fear, but I can build an amazing website for you. I can build a digital business system for you. I have a specialty.

you know, that I can do, that AI can't do. I taught myself how to do that. And, you know, I'm very excited about it, but the fear didn't get in my way. I never said no to a challenge or an opportunity. So for those of you who are kind of stuck and cemented in your space, it can be very difficult to move out of that. So I would say, if you have fear, just do one little thing at a time.

Right? So say you want to start your baking business. You love to bake and you want to start that. So start baking for people. You don't have to do all the things at once. You know, say you want to be an influencer in the world of baking. You don't have to do all of it at once. But you know what? You can set up your camera. You can start recording yourself baking just for yourself. Baby steps.

Don't try to, what do they say? How do you eat an elephant one bite at a time? It's the same thing for stepping out on faith, for doing things and getting out of your comfort zone. It's the same thing, right? So fear is a real thing. I still have fear. Hell, I'm about to do some promoting for my actual business videos and things like that on LinkedIn. I have fear about that because it's LinkedIn. And again, like I said, I'm self-taught.

I am, I'm not like a traditional tech person, but I know my shit when it comes to what it is I do. So why not put myself out here just like everybody else? The most well-known people that we know out here are not necessarily the best, right? So don't get that twisted in your mind. A lot of times people are really good self promoters, which is an area that I've struggled in, right? Let's just say not to get highly political.

but the highest position in the land. Is that the best person for the job? What do you think? Right? Or was that the loudest person, the most confident person, right? So those are things to remember when you're thinking about fear. Everybody's afraid. Nobody knows what they're talking about. Everybody's just trying to survive. So don't let what other people are doing stop you. And one final thing I'll say about it is don't listen to other people, right?

I have so many people in my circle that try to tell me how I should do things, what I should do for the podcast, for my business. And they're not doing anything. They don't have a podcast. They don't have a business. They're not making any money, right? But they always have an opinion. Don't listen to those people. Like, shut them out. I am not even kidding. It's very easy to want to discuss what it is you do. I still love to discuss what I do.

I love to tell people what I'm doing. I love to discuss it. But when you do that, everybody's going to have an opinion. So if you choose to do that, and I'm not saying do or don't, I'm just saying just know that they're going to have an opinion most of the time. You might get people who are haters in the midst, who are close to you. Ignore, right? So boundary up when it's time to make these changes in your life. Figure out what you wanna do. Get your eye on it.

and make the move. That's all I'm saying. Don't let fear get in the way. Don't let other people get in the way. I have a lot more to say about it actually, but I'm gonna get you guys a tool that's gonna help you get yourself from the burned out place that you're in now to a place of peace, a place of happiness, a place of joy. I don't dread work anymore. I don't have the Sunday scaries anymore because I love what it is I do. So like I said in closing,

When it's time to go, it's time to go. If you're feeling like you can't get up in the morning, like it makes you ill to go into a place, like people are disrespecting you, like you aren't able to make your ends meet in this hell of a place that you call work, it's time to go, okay? Fear can get in the way. People who are around you can get in the way, having you think that this is the best that you can do, but it is not, okay? And like I talked about,

Sometimes we just want to prove ourselves. We want to keep trying to prove ourselves to these people. Why? Why? Just go. All right. It's not about proving yourself to these people. It's not about, it's not about any of that. It's about how you feel. And if you feel like shit in this place and this place isn't fulfilling you, then you need to go. I can't say it loud enough. All right. No more proving ourselves, black women.

Let's figure out where we are wanted, where we are most needed, where we are able to find the most joy, where what we can contribute is the most appreciated, and where we can get the most satisfaction out of it and peace, okay? I am in that period in my life where, you know, I wanna give back, I wanna like what I do, I wanna enjoy my life as well, but I want to feel good about what it is I'm doing.

All right, and working for people who don't appreciate it, who don't appreciate me, who where I have to deal with a bunch of microaggressions and bullshit and stress and illness and physical symptoms. I'm not doing that anymore, right? And you shouldn't either. Know that there is more for you out there and you can get there. But I want you to get to the point where you enjoy work as much as you can. I mean, cause we all, most of us have to work unless you don't have to work.

This doesn't apply to you. Okay. So guys, I think that's all I've got for you today. I am so excited about where this podcast is going. I've got some great things planned coming up for the fall panel discussions. We're going to be addressing specific topics instead of just hearing stories. So I want to give you guys tools. I want to give you guys solutions and that's what I'm working on right now. So if you guys like this video, please like, please share, please subscribe.

Give me a thumbs up, all of the things, the alarm bell, all of the things. And if you want more conversation just like this, go over to our Facebook group and join. It is a private safe community for black women to discuss and share what's going on with us. And it truly is a safe place. We just ask for you to answer a few questions and then you're in and we can continue the conversation. And I think that's it. So guys, thank you so much and I will see you in the next episode.