Erin Braxton (00:00)

Your reaction to the things that trigger you, to the things that you've been dealing with to your trauma, can very well be causing another black woman harm, hurt, and pain. There are so many black women who are struggling and stressed out and hurting and pain and literally tortured going into these jobs day in and day out. You will never see.

a white woman on this platform. You will never see a man on this platform. You ought to be able to express yourself better than diminishing it down to calling somebody a name. Even if you haven't had such a traumatic work experience with other black women, you understand. When I say that, immediately you know what I'm talking about. I get that black girl mean energy. It is so painful.

so harsh, hurtful, all of the things. This is not the time for us to be at odds with each other. There's too much shit going on out here, especially in the United States right now. There is a target on all of our backs. So why are we gonna sit here and cause problems for one another? But we've all probably been the problem at one point or another.

Hey everyone, welcome to the Coffee No Cream podcast. My name is Erin Braxton and I am the host of Coffee No Cream. Here on Coffee No Cream, we are unapologetically dedicated to black women and we share what I like to call Coffee No Cream moments. Those things that happen to us in business and in life just because we are black women. So I want to start by reading a comment that somebody left ⁓ and after I read the comment, I'm going to give you my take on

the comment because I understand it, but yet I disagree. All right, this comment reads, conversation should have been in a private forum. No one needs to know what some of you think. You're placing an even larger target on your backs. And then there's just like the uh-oh, uh-oh emoji. All right.

I get it. I get that comment. I understand that comment. All right. And don't even think for a moment that.

I don't understand what you're saying.

I don't even put the podcast loud and proud on LinkedIn because I still have a business. Now if you Google Erin Braxton, you're gonna see the podcast. It's there. I'm on YouTube. I'm out there. But everybody is not going to respond positively to the podcast. A lot of people who want to be guests on the podcast and come and share their stories cannot come on the podcast because they have jobs, all right?

This is why I created the Facebook group. I actually was supposed to interview somebody last week and when I first approached them and we were talking, they were like, yes, I'm going to come on. Yes. Doing all that. Right. We get closer and closer to the recording date and she's just like, I can't do it. A lot of people would be pissed if I did that podcast. Okay. I totally get it. I totally get it. And

If you have or are in a situation like that, you should be protective of your bag. I'm not paying you to come on this podcast. I'm not paying you a salary. To the white people who get it, fine. But a lot won't get it. I work for myself. And I can be on here saying stuff.

I'm not saying anything that I'm embarrassed of saying. We are just coming on here sharing our experiences and efforts to help one another, other black women. This is who the platform is for. People who have a problem with that, fine. Sometimes people could be potentially harmed when another person tells their lived experience. We normally do not share names.

Any stories I tell I usually use fictitious names. And most of my guests, to my knowledge, do not share names. We just don't. In fact, somebody asked me in the middle of a story, should I say their name? I'm just like, don't say their name, you know? But anywho, I created this platform to help black women. I feel like God sent me to do this. I feel like God gave me this to do. That's just how I feel about it, all right? I am that passionate about it.

That I have been bringing an episode to you guys every week no fail since Episode one, this is episode 28. Okay, I feel so strongly about that that Could I lose business from it? Absolutely But do I feel like this is a message and a discussion that we need to have I absolutely do When I get the comments that I get and I'm gonna read some of them to you guys in a minute there

are so many black women who are struggling and stressed out and hurting and pain and literally tortured going into these jobs day in and day out. I see that now more than I did. When I started this podcast, I knew people had stories. I wanted to share my stories, but the feedback that I am getting is confirmation that this is a much needed space. This is something that

We need to have as black women and I will only platform black women in this space People have asked me about black men Black men have come to me to be on the podcast of white women have tried to be on the podcast People have tried to be on the podcast who I don't feel like are a fit because they want to skate over the real issues because they Don't want to go there. All right. My concern is you guys

And I'm not trying to share with you horror stories to stress you out. I'm sharing with you stories so that you can see yourself in these women, that we can find a way to relate and then come together and find solutions to get through it all, right? To navigate through the bullshit that we're dealing with day in and day out. So yeah, I understand somebody saying that.

But that's not gonna stop me. not, ⁓ I have no ill will towards any other ethnic group, any other gender. But this particular platform is for black women. You will never see a white woman on this platform. You will never see a man on this platform. And that's the one thing I can promise you. All right? ⁓ So yeah, okay, so.

That's that when it comes to that. I have gotten comments that have been flat out rude. And let me just address this because I've never said it. I did say it in the live.

I typically do not block people when they leave comments on the channel. I am here for a heated debate. I'm here for it. Let's talk about it, right? You don't have to agree with me. You don't have to like what I'm wearing. I'm not so delicate, right? I'm not. You can say shit about me. I haven't got a ton of that. People have talked horribly about the way that I speak.

All right, that's fine. When you leave comments like that, you say more about yourself than you say about me, but that's fine. ⁓ People have tried to say things about some of the topics that we're having. Maybe they think the conversation is dumb. Hell, just this past week, I had men come under the comments because I started talking about sexism, and I typically don't talk about men.

on this channel because I'm talking about black women, but we do interact with men. So it was bound to come up at some point. And I posted a clip of an experience that I had with a guy that I used to work for. And here come the men. I'm not gonna engage with men on this channel. They can leave messages and if they're positive and polite, that's fine. But the men who are coming over here looking to fight with me, I'm not doing it.

Because people have asked me, we need to talk about relationships. I'm never gonna be talking about man and woman relationships. That's not what I'm doing here. It could come up, but that's not the focus of this channel at all. There are enough platforms that will cover the battle of the sexes all day, every day. I'm just not here for it. It's not something that I desire to do right now. ⁓ What I will not tolerate and what I will block

are people who come in and who are disrespectful and who get to name calling. Somebody called me and my guest a coon. She said something, she missed the point of what was happening in the video, didn't like the fact that we had been talking about bad experiences working amongst each other as black women. She didn't like that. So she called us.

And I'm just not gonna have it, right? Black women, deal with too much every single day on these jobs with family, with spouses, with everything. Kids, everything, right? So I don't want people to come onto the platform and even be triggered with more stress because of some bullshit that comes out of somebody's mouth. Name calling is absolutely a no-no. You ought to be able to...

express yourself better than diminishing it down to calling somebody a name. I don't want to bring Black women on this platform and subject them to rude and harmful comments to them. They are doing the community a service when they agree to come on the platform and talk to me, therefore talking to you.

So we need to be respectful in the comments. You don't have to love what they say and you can disagree and have some heated debate. I have no problem with that. I welcome it actually. I love that. But we won't be calling people names. So that was one of the few times I blocked. I blocked somebody. I just removed a comment. ⁓ I assume it was a white guy came in and it might have been a bot. I really don't know. But ⁓

⁓ He called us basically animals. So we won't be having stuff like that. But if we see something like that, you won't know you're blocked. Just so you know how YouTube works, you will be the only one that sees a comment. It will look just like it always looks to you, but no one else will see the comment. And you will know you're blocked when nobody responds, likes, engages with you, right? ⁓ That may be why you know.

Maybe you'll just think nobody responded or engaged with you, but that's the way it works on YouTube. So I created this platform and you guys aren't going to like everything that I have to say because a lot of what we talk about, it's not an easy conversation, but they're conversations that need to be had. And

If it rubs you the wrong way, I understand. But I just want to address it. So I'm going to read a comment from someone. It was under my video, episode 21 with Tracy and Abby. This person writes, I'm unsubscribing because I dislike when these type of videos turn towards regular black people think I'm better because I speak like my oppressor. End of quote.

So what? That does not mean that you are any better than us regular blacks raised around other blacks. And because of my deeper connection with my community and is able to work where I am celebrated, I don't have to go whining about being ostracized for being the only black person in my environment. I also have a good job as a regular black. Ageism, colorisms, texturism, and now linguisticism.

All right, so I know what this comment is coming from. We were talking in that video and I was saying that I get heat, flack, bullied, talked bad about whatever you wanna say my entire life because of the way I speak, because of the way I talk. And I was like, I like the way I talk, right? Because I've made money.

from the way I talk and that's the truth. I have, I've done voiceover work. I'm not bragging, I'm not saying anything bad about regular blacks, whatever that is. And I do know what she means. I think she's insinuating blacks who perhaps ⁓ somebody else called us elite blacks.

I don't even live in that world, that whole like elite thing. I'm just not interested in that kind of stuff. I'm talking to black women, period. Whatever you, whatever type of black you want to consider yourself. Black women, not regular black, not elite black, just black women. Educated, not educated, I don't give a shit. That's not what I'm talking about, right? Whether you're from the suburbs or the inner city or the hood or wherever you're from.

I don't give a shit about that. talking to black women because at the end of the day we are all the same. It doesn't matter any of this stuff. So this comment that this person is leaving telling me they're unsubscribing because ⁓ we think we're better. No, you think we think we're better. You're triggered by the way that we talk. That comment is saying more about you than it's saying about us.

I don't need anybody to tell me the way I think. So I just want that to be known. want to tell you this channel is for all black women. It is not for just educated black women. It is not just for so-called elite black women. That's not what it is. I had somebody leave a comment that said they had stopped watching because they thought

It was for more educated women and not her, she was so glad she came back and gave it another chance because she was able to learn.

I'm pulling in guests, and this is a lesson to me, right? So I'm bringing on guests with all professions. I'm looking for guests from the medical field. ⁓ so doctors, lawyers, you could be a post office worker, you could be a nurse, you could be a tech person. I really just don't care. I'm talking about

experiences that we can all relate to and learn from. That's what I'm looking for because we are the same. It doesn't matter. At the end of the day, I can walk around thinking I'm the shit just because I speak like a white girl or proper English or whatever, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm a black woman. OK, and yeah, I I have made money from the way I speak, but I don't think I'm better for that. I'm just talking about

people who have bullied me or given me a hard time about the way I talk and I'm saying, you can, but you know, while you're making jokes, I've made money from it. So whatever, that's just me. That's just my comeback. Get offended if you will, but I don't want anybody to believe that.

there are black women that are more deserving to sit on the platform that I feel that black women who are educated are.

Their stories are more valid. I don't, I don't. I'm, you know, and like I said, ⁓ if you knew me, you guys only know me from being in this chair, sitting on this, you know, channel for the purpose of this, but you know, I don't come from people like that. I'm not like that. I talk the way I talk because of the way I, where I was raised, right? But.

I do not come from people like that. My grandparents were sharecroppers just like everybody else. So that's all. Okay. All right. So I wanted to say that we have created a private Facebook group where we continue the conversation. We do monitor who enters the group. In fact, somebody messaged me and said, Erin, I've...

They sent me a message on Facebook. I've been trying to get into the group and it's not posting. I couldn't tell. We couldn't tell if this person was real. ⁓ They didn't have any pictures. So we're really looking, trying to make sure that this is a safe space to continue the conversation. That link is in the description below. If you're watching or listening on Spotify, it is in the show notes.

And I've created the free educational resource tool and I've updated it. So now we have almost 2000 free courses, university level free courses like continuing education, MIT, Princeton, Harvard, Stanford, big schools, and they are free. All I'm asking you for is your email address and then you'll be in and you can access that database. And that is

it for now. think that's all the housekeeping I have. So let's get into the episode. Okay, let's get into some of these comments because ⁓ the common thread that we're seeing is the the black on black women at work thread. I cannot tell you the number of comments that I have received. Black on black women at work.

And that's why next week we've got the panel. We're going to have Dr. Kwanzaa back. We're going to have Dr. Lydia Bullock. She was on episode, ⁓ I think four, Lydia was. And then we're going to have Natasha Williams back. So we've got, we've got three wonderful women to begin this discussion.

All right, this is just the beginning of this discussion. This is the beginning and the first of a series that we're gonna have multiple episodes on. So I haven't named the series yet, that's coming. I'll get to that next week. But this is a conversation that we need to have and we need to continue to have because it is so upsetting when...

We cannot get along. You know, we don't have to like everybody, but the stories that I'm hearing are downright terrible. I just heard one today from the woman that I went to lunch with earlier today. Terrible. So let me read a few of the comments that I've been getting because you guys, unlike me, don't get to read all of the comments and I do. So let me just share you share with you some of the things I've been I've been I've been seeing.

All right, this is on episode 21, under my episode with Abby and Tracy. This woman writes, I'm from Los Angeles and have primarily worked in very diverse settings. I moved to Houston three years ago and now work with primarily black women. I have never had more women attempt to throw me under the bus, be more rude and nasty than women who look like me.

have as much education and work experience as me since I moved to Houston. And I was taught this. This is divisive and not true. Black women have been mean, jealous, and downright nasty. And we are masters degrees and PhD holders. The same is true for my staff who are from Houston. At least four of them have told me that they have never worked.

with more rude and nasty women. Two of them told me that because of my name, they thought I was white. And if they knew I was black, they wouldn't even have accepted a job offer because they've been treated so poorly by black women.

You see what I'm talking about? Let me read another one. One woman wrote, we have one black lady manager. She's not for us. She acts and talks differently when her employees complain about being treated unfairly. She ignores us and promotes white women only.

That was under my episode with Tracy Walker. ⁓ We were primarily talking about experiences with white women, but the response has been, a lot of people are agreeing, yeah, I've had these experiences with white women, but this one was saying I've had an experience with black women. All right, somebody wrote, this is episode 15, this is under my episode I did about black women policing each other. ⁓ man.

The conversation that needs to be had, but we aren't ready for Lord help us. I say it all the time. We are the most loving beings to others, but the worst part of each other. Broken heart emoji. The harshest things said to me and about me were from black women, family, friend, and foe. It's true. Like I said, black women can be mean. I just am.

detangling myself from someone that I thought I was friends with did the meanest thing to me that I've had somebody do to me probably since junior high. I can't be a part of it. Black women are mean. Black women are mean. Mean. Here's another one. This was under my episode 15 about black women being mean. Great topic. I don't think we think critically enough how we speak to or treat one another.

One of my first office jobs was scary for me. I did not expect to walk into a workplace of faces that looked like mine, where I was treated like an outcast simply for existing. Being from the suburbs, albeit an African-American suburb, I've experienced all forms of blackness. So I am cultured in that sense, which is why I was so shocked to see my people tease me for proudly wearing my natural hair, being overweight, dressing appropriately.

and keeping things professional in a professional environment. It was traumatic, so I just kept to myself and even then they would amp up their taunts, blame me for things I did not do, place words in my mouth, shade me indirectly, et cetera. I learned to still be personable, kind, and gentle with others as I understand the traumas we hold. And we do hold traumas.

There have definitely been some comments that say, hey, I've never experienced this. I don't know what you're talking about. Okay, they are definitely in the minority, right? Even if you haven't had such a traumatic work experience with other black women. Like I say, I personally have not. I've definitely had my share of bad experiences with black women in school or

just in my personal life.

Even if you haven't had it at work, you understand. When I say that, immediately you know what I'm talking about. So my goal is to have the discussion where we can start to hold each other accountable and figure out, are we the bullies? Are we the mean black women? Are we the black women that are causing other black women

such pain and hurt? Or are we the ones being harmed? Because I promise you, a lot of you listening, watching are part of the problem. Are part of the problem. What I'm trying to get everybody to understand here who gets upset when we want to have these conversations is we've got to hold each other accountable. Can we have the conversations?

because we want to sit up here and complain and bitch and moan about white people all the time. But as I've said, white people are a problem, but they are not the problem. A lot of times we have our own problems in our own circles. We are causing each other so much pain and so much harm and it's just unnecessary. And this is why I want to get to it because from the comments that I'm receiving, it is just constant out here.

You know, when this girl came to me to want to meet and we had lunch today and I've seen people post about this. I live in St. Louis. Black girls in St. Louis are mean. I've always said that.

And maybe that's a blanket general statement, but when somebody posted about that, I was like, yeah, I know what she's talking about. And a lot of comments underneath it supporting that. You know, I've had experiences like that, but there are also some lovely, wonderful people here. I get that black girl mean energy. It is so painful, so harsh, hurtful, all of the things. So when I'm talking about

things that are going on in our community, this is not the time for us to be at odds with each other. We've got to figure a way forward because nobody else is going to do it for us. So if you're like down with that kind of plan, if you're on board with that, this is where you need to be. Let's work on it. I'm not here to save every black woman in America or the world because every black woman in America and the world isn't gonna see it, but

What we can learn from this space, we can take it and pass it on to the next black woman in our circles, right? We can call it out. I made a friend with a girl here when I moved here and...

She would just always talk about people. I could be like, do you know so-and-so? Oh yeah, I know her. I know all her business. know all. What? I didn't ask you for that. I can ask her to come with me somewhere. Oh, do you know such-and-such? Oh yeah, that hag. Whoa. Do you have a problem with this person? Just mean. The level of.

nastiness that would come out of this person's mouth was just uncalled for all of the time. And you know, I think people see it. I was probably giving her some chances that I shouldn't have, but I've experienced it. These are like 50 year old people guys. That's not just young girls. So we've got to start with ourselves. We have to check ourselves. We have to work on ourselves because

It's just not okay anymore. There's too much shit going on out here, especially in the United States right now. There is a target on all of our backs. So why are we going to sit here and cause problems for one another? These white people don't care about you. They do not. So for the black women who are ⁓ cool with the white women, but giving the black women shade, they don't care about you.

All right? And I'm not saying that you need to be every black woman's savior. I'm not saying that. But there's no reason to treat a black woman poorly under any circumstance unless she's done something to you. If I'm not talking to you, then I'm not talking to you. But we've all probably been the problem at one point or another. And I'm just asking you to reflect.

and get ready for the conversation next week because we are going to have one. Dr. Kwanzaa, Faleika Gibson, Dr. Lydia Bullock, and Natasha Williams. We are going to have a discussion, the first of many in a series where we address black women on black women in the workplace and in life, right? So get ready for it. And look,

If there's something that you're going through right now that you want us to talk about, like you have a situation, a story that you'd like input on, I'm gonna save a section for that. Send me an email, heygirlatcoffeenocream.com. Let me know, I'll read it to the panel. We'll discuss it. We'll unpack it. We'll try to give you advice. A lot of women are going through a lot of things. ⁓

I just want us to stop, you know, black girls being mean to each other. lot of women will say, ⁓ all, you know, all women are mean to each other. White women will come into the comments and say shit like that. I'm not talking to you. I don't want to hear about it from you. I'm talking to black women and how we deal with and address other black women. White women need to sit down and stay out of this conversation.

All right, it's just not for you. No disrespect. It's not for you. So don't even bother commenting. All right. So guys, that's it. That's all I've got today. I am super excited about next week's episode where we are really going to start to address and unpack what is going on with us Black women and why we can't get along.

and how we can begin to get along. It's a conversation I think every black woman needs to hear. So I think that's it guys. That's it. That's it. That's it. And thank you so much for watching and I will see you in the next episode.