Erin Braxton (00:00)

So black women are going through it right now. We are going through it. As you know, over 300,000 black women have lost their jobs in the U.S. in 2025. With the elimination of DEI and the political climate that we're dealing with, people are feeling more emboldened and more empowered to say sideways shit to us.

We're dealing with more in the workplace. We're stressed out. We're tired. A lot of black women have absolutely had it. And we are truly, I believe, in a time of pivot for many of us. Pivoting whether that's getting a new job, leaving corporate America, figuring out your next step. All right? A few weeks ago, I talked about how to not allow people to

Get in your head because all this bullshit going on at work and around us is going to chip away at our competence. But if we're working on shit over here and staying in motion over here, that stuff can affect us. Today, I want to continue that conversation. I want to share with you ways that I myself personally have dealt with all of the pivots that I've been through in my life. I've been laid off.

I have been bankrupt, foreclosed on, business failed, okay? All of the things. And the difference between then and now for me is that I've learned to not react, but to be proactive and how to stay in motion and get myself in motion from a place of stuck, a place where I don't know what's next. I don't know whether I'm coming or going.

whether to look up, down, left, right, I don't know what to do. So the difference is then I was reacting, waiting on someone or something to happen to me. Now I'm in control and I want to talk about how you can actually get yourself in motion and get yourself unstuck so that you can get yourself

pivoted in the right direction.

Hey everyone, welcome to the Coffee No Cream podcast. My name is Erin Braxton and I am the host of Coffee No Cream. Here on Coffee No Cream, we are unapologetically dedicated to black women and we share what I like to call Coffee No Cream moments, those things that happen to us black women in business and in life just because we are black. Now, today I'm going to share with you ways that I have found our

beneficial and helpful and effective for you to pivot in the right direction, for you to not stay stuck, for you not to stay paralyzed. If you feel overwhelmed, if you don't know what to do, you're dealing with some shit on your job, you're dealing with your family, you're just dealing with life in America or the world as a black woman and you are having trouble figuring out how to get yourself to the next step.

I'm gonna give you six ways that I use personally to get myself to the next step. Every step might not be for you, but hopefully a few of these are things that you can use if you find yourself in that period of transition and you just don't know what to do. So let's just get right into it and start with number one. Step number one, you have to identify

your coping mechanism when you get into these stuck times. You want to be in motion. You know you should be doing something. You want to get yourself to the next step. You have ideas. You have dreams. have all the things. But for some reason, you don't know why you can't get to the next step. Okay. One way to do this is to identify what your coping mechanism is because at least when you know

You do something, you can nip it or you're aware of it so that you can begin steps to stop doing that thing. All right, let me give you some examples of coping mechanisms. First, are you an avoider? I've done all of these things by the way that I'm going to talk about. Are you an avoider? Meaning, say you're having some bill issues, you're having problems paying your bills, meeting your bills. Are you avoiding the bills?

Is the mail coming and stacking up and you're not opening the mail? Is the phone ringing and you're not dealing with the phone? You're just letting the bill collectors call. Do you know you have to have a conversation with someone, but the anticipation of how they are going to react to that conversation has you delaying, you're avoiding the person. Are you an avoider?

All right, and to that I say, the bills, handle it. Call your creditors, deal with it. Let them know you're having problems. To the person you're avoiding, suck it up, you're grown, have the conversation. Maybe even put the possibility of what you're gonna say, give it to AI. It's pretty good at helping work through some stuff. Are you an avoider? All right, identify that. I have.

been that person. I have been a bury my head in the sand person too many times. When I lost my condo in Texas, if only I hadn't buried my head in the sand, I would have not lost that condo. But I buried my head in the sand. I didn't know what to do. I was embarrassed. So I just acted like that shit wasn't happening. And then it was, it was done. It was gone. It was too late. Do you avoid? Okay. Next.

Are you a person who is paralyzed when you don't know what to do? I've done that as well.

A lot of times when we don't know what to do, we don't do anything, which I know to be not the right thing to do. So when I say don't do anything, are you a person that just ⁓ gets on the couch and just binge watches television? You don't take any action?

partly with what I said before about avoiding the bills. So you don't take action. You don't let the creditors know. You don't check your mail. You don't try to make arrangements, right? You don't have the hard conversation because it just would be too hard. Are you getting anywhere when you do that? Are you the type of person to avoid?

Okay, recognize that. Is that the way you cope? Are you the type of person who emotionally eats? So things aren't going well for you and you just go to the refrigerator. You're trying to pivot, you don't know what to do. look, this looks good. I'm gonna eat this. I've done it. I'm one of those people who will eat when I am bored.

When I am bored, I get that little dopamine hit from eating that cookie or that ice cream or some shit I have no business eating. Are you an emotional eater? All of these are coping mechanisms, right? Are you an emotional shopper? We're gonna talk more about that. That's its own step. But what is it that you do to cope? What type of coping mechanisms do you use

when you're in a pivot, a period of transition that are not helping you really feel better, maybe temporarily, maybe momentarily, they're not propelling you forward, they're not really getting you in motion. What do you do? Because acknowledging and figuring that out is the first step to helping you nip it, identify it, nip it, cut it, don't do that, right?

Because the idea here is to stay in motion. So if you do that...

How can we move past that, right? So again, if you know that you are a person who avoids things, maybe just open one piece of mail at a time. Maybe do some role play conversations with a close friend on how a conversation could go to get you prepared.

Do some little steps to kind of get you out of your own way. Maybe if you are an emotional spender acknowledging that, and every time you wanna spend money, go clean a room in your house.

Little things, okay? I'm just saying if you acknowledge it and you know what it is that you do to cope and it's not something that's going to propel you forward, then it'll be easier to cut that out and stop doing that so that you can get into motion. But enough about that, let's get on to step two. Step number two, figuring out a way to regulate yourself so that you can reset.

when you are spiraling or you are having anxiety or panic when it comes to what's going on or not going on in your life. And I'm talking to you as somebody who is diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, okay? I am an anxious person. So for me, that would look like going for walks. I'm one of those people who is a 10,000 step per day walker most of the time. There are days when I'm not

quite there yet and I do that about five to six times a week on top of my workout. I'm not saying this to brag, I'm just saying this is a cycle or a routine that I'm trying to get myself into because I know that when I go on walks, I feel good. And when it's cold outside, it feels good to go outside and walk. Now these past week and a half, I have not been so good about it because we've gotten snow and the holidays and all of that, but.

Walking helps me think, it helps me release and feel good. I am one of those people who likes to like nest and like hole up into my apartment or my home and just like be in there with myself and you know, I like a gloomy day. So these last few days where it's been super cold and snowing and stuff like that, I love that, okay? I like to throw some.

logs in the fireplace, sit in front of my Christmas tree this time of year, in front of the fire and just like chill and work, all right? But I know that I have to get out of the house because it's a way to reset myself. I have to have community, I have to have conversation. So when you're not feeling well and you don't know what to do, a lot of times we'll want to not see people, not talk to people.

But you've got to figure out what you need to do to reset yourself. So it could be walking, it could be going to dinner with friends. For me, when I wake up in a panic, because I have, I do sometimes, I'm an anxious person, as I've said, I will wake up literally panicked. It's the worst feeling ever. Or when you wake up and you just cannot turn your brain off. And when I have to be at the trainer at 6.30 in the morning, as I do a few times a week,

I know when I get there, even though it's like, ⁓ it's time to get up. It's like, I don't dread it because I know when I get there, I'm able to reset. And I love it. And it's community for me. Remember, I work from my house. So what can you do to regulate your emotions, regulate yourself so that you can reset so that you have a clear head, you get some

good new fresh ideas and thoughts coming in so you can get on that motion journey and you're not just stuck. You've got to figure out a way to do that because we all have things that we do. Maybe for you, you do just need to watch one hour of one show and you're reset or you want to read a book, maybe one chapter or two chapters of your book.

One of the things I like to do in the morning lately is I like to read at night, but a lot of times at night I'm sleepy and I just push it too far. So in the morning I like to read like my novel just first thing in the morning when I wake up and then I'll get up and start my day. So what are those things that you like to do? Maybe, you know, you want to go and do a puzzle. You're into puzzles or you want to do your

you know, calming coloring book. There's tons of stuff you can do, but figure out something that you do that you will actually do that you can go to. I recommend getting active, moving around, walking, and it's good for you. That's just what I recommend. And then when you come back, you've got fresh ideas. Like when I was walking one night, that's when I decided, ⁓ I should compile all of the free

university courses from all the universities that we can find. And then I came up with that free resource guide for you guys, that free educational resource guide. I got that on a walk. Come up with my best ideas. So really, really good idea to get yourself out and be able to reset. Okay, next, moving on. The third thing you could do is, now this is huge. This is huge.

You really need to look around and evaluate your environment. And by environment, I mean your house. What's your house looking like? Cluttered house, cluttered mind. Whenever my house looks crazy and shits everywhere, I'm not okay in my head. And sometimes I don't even realize it until I'm like, God dang, the house is like mess. Like what is going on? I tend to... ⁓

be more messy when I'm messy in my head. It's overwhelming, because I have a small house and it makes me crazy, but it makes me even crazier when it's messy. And I've got chaos going on in my mind. I cannot stand it. So I do things to keep on top of my home and to keep things as tidy as possible. It definitely can get out of control sometimes.

because I don't have a cleaning lady right now and I clean my own house, albeit small, I clean my own house, but I have to do certain things to keep myself organized. For example, you know, my mom never made us, she never made us make our beds every day. I make my bed every single day. I get out of the bed, I turn around and I make the bed because I love to get back into a bed that's made and

In my mind, it's like I want to get into bed and have like a peaceful sleep. Sleep is so important to me. I like I'm so into sleep. And if I have to go to my bedroom and, you know, find the comforter that's on the floor and and find the sheets and get them all straightened up, it's not relaxing. It's not peaceful. So I've got myself in the habit for many, many years now. I make my bed first thing.

I do when I get up. A lot of people do this. They also say most people who are like really successful make their beds and exercise by the way, research says. So just something to keep in mind. But also, ⁓ you know, just making sure that I have routines in place so that my house stays orderly. Like every night I have to get the dishes out of the sink and keep it clean or

you know, plumping up and puffing up the sofa and refolding the throw and making sure the sofa looks inviting. You know, these are just little things because if your house is out of order and your mind is out of order, that house is gonna make you crazy. My thing right now, like I said, is sitting in front of the fireplace, in front of my Christmas tree right now, just like cozy and peaceful and.

And just this time of year is nice where I like to sit and work and I can only do that in a clean environment. Another thing to be careful of is your car. What's your car look like on the inside? Is it a junk pit? Do you eat in your car? Do you basically live in your car? Does your car look like a trash can? Doesn't matter if it's new, doesn't matter if you have an older car. Is it clean? Chaos around you is gonna cause for a chaotic mind.

which is not what you need when you're in a pivot point in your life, when you're trying to get in motion and have creative energy and ideas flowing, right? So keep all that shit together, get it clean. I'm not perfect. I'm not saying you have to live in a museum. I'm not saying your shit has to look like architectural digest. I'm not saying that. Mine does not, okay? I don't even think I could survive in that, but you do have to have some organization around your shit, around your home, all right? So keep stuff not...

cluttered and this is not a problem for most black women. Most black women are pretty clean, know, and organized and orderly. I am not such an orderly person naturally. I have to really make an effort to put stuff back where it goes and make sure that things are in order because it can get real out of hand and then I just get crazier in my mind. So check your environment. Okay. Next, we talked about money.

a little bit, but what is your coping skills with money? Like, how do you deal?

with money. Do you?

throw money at things and expect a result because that's something I've done in the past. Let me just tell you, when I am really, really stressed out about money, in the past, that's when I buy stuff, which is so stupid. Again, it's a very temporary, momentary dopamine hit. And then you get the thing that you bought, you don't even need it. I've had a cricket machine upstairs since July.

Haven't used it, just had to have it, had to have it. Don't use it, okay? ⁓ That was $400 that I probably just could have saved. I'll get around to it. But my point is, when I'm thinking about money and stressed out about money, historically, crazy, I'll go buy stuff I don't need. I don't know if it's because I'm obsessed with money, but be cognizant of

how you deal with money when you're in a pivot period, when you're trying to do something, when you're trying to get in motion. Getting in motion rarely means throwing money at a problem. I used to be the queen of apps. Ugh, when apps became a thing, I needed this app, I needed that app, I wanted all these SaaS products and services because I knew that that was gonna.

Take my business to the next level. Bullshit, okay? I just got suckered and bought things that would sit unused for years until I finally had to cut those subscriptions, okay? I would think that if I just get this, it's gonna make my business better. If I just buy this, it's going to make me happier. If I just get this clothing item or these shoes,

I'm gonna be happy. That's bullshit, okay? So don't fall into the trap of shopping, scrolling and shopping and buying stuff you do not need because you're temporarily gonna feel good to say you got something but you're suffering financially from it or you get it and you don't use it, you don't need it. Don't throw money at things and especially when you're trying to pivot and do things in your business,

Don't be so quick to buy ⁓ services that you don't need, right? If you wanna hire a business coach that you have vetted and that is great, great. I've said it. If they can help you get from A to G faster than going from A B to C to D to E, FG, great, okay?

If you're going to buy services and things like that for your business, make sure they're vetted and they're worth it. But you cannot throw money at a business and make it go. You cannot throw money at anything and make yourself feel better. And you cannot throw money down, period, and really feel like you're being in motion. A lot of that is, what does that say back there? Getting ready to get ready and you're not doing shit.

Okay, so really analyze what it is that you do around money when you're in your pivot period. Okay, because some people get so distracted. It's like one week you're this, next week you're on that, you know, I'm to do this, I'm going to do that, I'm going do this. And then some other thing happens, you're not dedicated to it and you've spent all this money out over here and you don't even see it through. Okay, so be really careful to

Watch out and acknowledge and notice how it is you cope with money when you're in pivot situations, when you're trying to move yourself forward. Do you really need a whole new wardrobe because you think you're going to be doing A, B, C, or D? Do you? Or does what you have in your closet suffice?

Think about it, all right? So really important. Okay, but number five is the most important thing, I think I can say, because it is something I've recently discovered, recently in the last couple of years, really too with this podcast, is using creativity as medicine.

It is crucial. I believe it is the most powerful medicine there is.

Not only because whatever you choose as your creative outlet can lead you

to great and amazing things. But when you're in a creative space, it can keep you in motion on other things. So for many of you, I've told you when I started the Rebel Geek, my web consulting business, I didn't know I was starting it. I had a dream about a website. I need a black hairstylist.com.

many, many years ago, I had no idea how to build websites. And this was gonna be the coolest thing, the best idea ever, actually still is. ⁓ But I didn't know how to do it. I didn't know how to build the website and know what I was doing, but I got to find creative graphic designers and I got to learn and design my website and the whole process around how the website was gonna operate and flow.

and what happened. As a result, I've made hundreds of thousands of dollars in my web consulting business.

I didn't know that that was what was gonna happen, but I was just working on a creative project that I was really, really into. And I invested a lot of time in it because I happened to have it at that time. I wasn't really doing anything. And it turned into my bread and butter that I'm still working in today. When I came up with the idea for this podcast, I guess it was almost two years ago.

Like I told you guys when I was at my birthday celebration in Thailand and we were all in the pool And we were just think tanking it and working it through It was just a thought it was just a creative project that I worked on so I Got my logo design creative. I Worked with a guy to get my little intro beat done creative. I Built my website creative

And here we are 30 plus episodes later. Here we are. So you never know where it's gonna land you. And by the way, I have made a little money on this podcast. It could very well become my main thing. So that creativity is therapy. It gets me in motion when I'm working on creative projects, whatever they are, they help me to stop stressing out about

whatever else is going on over here, I'm in motion, creative, doing something, having my medicine of creative juices flowing through me. I'm telling you, if you guys can figure it out, what it is you wanna do to be creative, it's like the best gift you can give to yourself ever. And it doesn't have to be some bullshit arts and crafts project, or it can be.

That's okay. I have done so much shit. Do you understand? I consider myself to be a very, very, very entry level ⁓ cake designer, cake decorator. I can make a rose with some buttercream frosting. I can do a little something. I have all the shit to make a cake. The thing that spins the cake, all the bags and the tips and...

I know how to like make the ice. I know how to do all of that. It's creative. I've seen people who didn't know how to do anything in that field and start whole cake businesses, right? I've done watercolor paint classes. I've done pottery classes. Those things didn't like vibe with me as much, but I did them because it was an escape from whatever it is I was going through at the time. I just wanted something to do.

I've done home projects with my dad. Hell, my dad and I, ⁓ when I bought my house and got here, one of the cool things about these older houses is the doors on the inside. Whoever had my house took out all the original doors. I got here, because I bought my house during COVID, so I literally flew in, saw it, and went back to California. I got here, and I was like, what happened to the doors? So it bugged me so much, I purchased

all new doors for the inside of the house, reframed and installed all the doors. Me and my dad did that project. There's nine doors in this house and we did it. And it was just like something I did. It built my confidence. I'm not gonna say I'm gonna become a carpenter or a woodworker. I plan to do more woodworking, but it was really nice to do that project with him. And it was just something nice to do.

So as you guys get ready for the holidays, maybe you have some time off. A lot of people have three weeks off during the holidays, two or three weeks. Get into something, figure out what it is you wanna do and start to do it. You don't have to finish it, but if there's something you really, really wanna do, hell who knows, it could become your main hustle. You just never know. And maybe that does involve your family and that's the creativity.

The time you spend with your family can be creative and it's a reprieve from your job and the stresses that you're dealing with, but you're in motion doing things with them. It could be a number of things, but you're gonna have time hopefully during the holidays. Get into something, I promise you. It is the biggest stress reliever ever. Find your creative outlet. Be intentional about it. Think about it.

really give it some thought and it could become something serious. It can become something major, right? So that's what I say about that. Now, the last thing I wanna say, number six, the last thing I have to say, number six, is find the right support system.

As you are pivoting and you have ideas flowing through your head and there's things you wanna do and try and you're gonna wanna talk to somebody. You're gonna wanna bounce ideas off of friends. And you've gotta be careful about who you choose to share with. I'm gonna be honest because a lot of times as we know, when you are...

Embarking on new journeys. Are you starting to do something new or you're having success or something starts to take off for you? You're going to realize that some of the people that you thought maybe were your friends were not Or some of the people that you try to share ideas with are going to try to shit on them They're going to try to deter you discourage you all of the things so you really want to make sure that you have

the right support system, which may be very small, which may not be your family. I would encourage you if you can to find somebody who is older to talk to. I love talking to old people. I love talking to old people. I love talking to my dad. You know, he's very ⁓ wise and a very simple way. And you know, I can't talk to him about everything because he is 82.

And when I get into all my tech speak, he's not always ⁓ on top of what it is I'm talking about. But just for life lessons and people and things like that, he's great. ⁓ Find people who are trying to do what you're doing. Find the right support people. And again, it's not always gonna be your family. It may not be your partner. It may not be your siblings.

Always use the same people for every conversation that you want to have. So just be careful of that because what I don't want to have happen to you and I've had happen to me many times is when you try to share something with somebody and then they say like one little thing and it makes you second guess what it is you're trying to do. You don't want to do that. And I've told you guys stories about how

people will say little shit and it'll get into your head. It'll just make you second guess what it is you're trying to do, especially if God has put it on your heart to do something. So you have to be so careful about.

who you share things with. Because it won't always be like some big, know, nasty thing somebody says, but they might just say one little thing, you know, like, ⁓ that's hard. Or, hmm, I hope you have some money. Or, you know, you just don't know. You don't know. So just be careful about who you share a shit with when you are.

going through this time in your life and you're trying to pivot because people a lot of times will try to keep you small because they had fear and they were afraid to do the thing that they wanted to do that they could never do and will never do, right? So be careful of who you choose to support you. So those are the six things I've got. So let's just go over them real quick. First,

Figure out what your coping mechanism is. Are you paralyzed? Are you avoiding? Are you eating? Are you emotionally eating, emotionally shopping? Next.

Determine how you can regulate your reset, right? So what it is that you do. I walk, do you work out? Do you need to get with community? What do you need to do to go out, reset, get clarity, get some things going in your head, and then come back and focus on your pivot, focus on the issue at hand. Next, notice your environment. Is there clutter around?

⁓ Is there clutter around in your house? Is there clutter around in your car? Get some routines in order, get some routines in play that help you keep clutter to a minimum, that help you keep your environments clean so that you're in a place mentally to be in those spaces and think clearly and not feel agitated and anxious because you're in ⁓ an environment of chaos.

Four, how are you coping with money? Are you throwing money at the problem, trying to get yourself to the next level, trying to push past the pivot faster, or trying to move through it and get whatever God has for you, right? You can't throw money at any problem. Money is not going to advance you on pretty much anything it is that you're trying to do, right? Are you trying to find the resolution by throwing money at it?

with money, you buying unnecessarily? Are you looking for little small pieces of dopamine hits because you're purchasing things that you don't need and going further into debt or into the hole, right? Are you throwing money at courses and applications and tools for a business that you don't need trying to make it go? Don't do that, okay? Acknowledge that.

Pay attention to that. Five, creativity. What is your creative outlet? What are you doing creatively? It's gonna help you reset. It's gonna help you feel good. It's gonna take your mind off of your problems. Find a creative outlet and you never know. It could wind up being your main hustle later. You never know. So be strategic about it. Really, really find something that you really, really enjoy, that you really, really can get into.

because you really, really need to break mentally from the shit that you're dealing with, okay? And finally, find the right support system. Make sure you are careful about who you share shit with because people will say little shit and little chip away at you, just some little shit, and then you'll be second guessing yourself. You'll think, ⁓ no, maybe I shouldn't do that.

And they haven't done shit themselves. So you can't listen to everybody. Make sure you find the right people to talk to. Older people are a plus. Not bitter older people. Older supportive people. Older wise people. Not old people who never did shit and are just angry. Not those people. Okay? Now, hopefully something I said out of those things, you know, spoke to you.

gave you some next steps on how you can get into motion, how you can get yourself from unstuck, okay? I really hope so. And I have, like I said, I've done all of those things. I have been guilty, I have been a victim, I have done all of the things that I've said, and I am a less anxious person. So back in the day, I would be so stressed out, I wouldn't know what to do. And now,

instead of reacting to things that are happening to me, I'm able to be more proactive and get in front of it and stay in motion so I can determine where it is I wanna go instead of waiting on some shit to just land on me or be given to me or offered to me. Okay, so that's the difference. I feel more in control of that thing, all right? And if this feels like something you wanna do more of because people are

writing me and sharing their stories with me and talking to me about what to do when they don't know what to do and what should they do. And I want to be able to help you in a more personal way. So I'm now offering, I'm calling it the Motion Hour, which is basically a 75 minute one-on-one call where we work through my emotion framework. And what you'll do is you'll go to

coffee no cream dot com forward slash motion and you'll get on my calendar and then you'll fill out a questionnaire that will give me a little bit of background and information before we get on the call so we can use our 60 to 75 minutes to really drill down and help you get to the next step. So, you know, this stuff takes time. Maybe you have a situation at work, maybe.

You need to have a conversation with somebody and you don't know how to broach it. Maybe you have it all kind of figured out, but you don't know how to take the next step. As somebody who has left corporate, been fired, started businesses, failed businesses, been bankrupt, all of the things, I think I'm a good person to talk to. If you want help with that, I'm here for that. So again, coffee no cream.com forward slash motion.

and then just sign up, get on my calendar and let's get you into motion. So guys, that is it for today. I hope that this has been helpful to you. ⁓ Again, it's my creative outlet, just even being able to sit here and talk to you and have these conversations and get the feedback. And if a motion call is what you want, great.

If it's not for you, that's fine. Continue to engage with me in the Facebook group. I'm there all the time. Also comment, share, like, engage with me in the comment section. Tell me what you think and just continue to absorb the free content and you know, we'll see each other here. All right. So guys, that's it. That's everything I have for you today. I hope you enjoyed it.

Again, please like share comment ⁓ Subscribe to the channel all the things and I will see you in the next episode